


To Be Okay

by LactoseFreeVanillaYoghurt



Category: We Are The Tigers - Allen
Genre: Angst, Eva does have a panic attack so like Be Aware, F/F, Hurt/Comfort, I feel like this isn't something id usually write but like, I meant this to be really short but two days later here we are, I sort of like it, Mention of scars, Post-Canon, Stabbing Mention, cairo is the mum friend and hhhh it makes me laugh, if its too depressing then let me know and ill take it down, its only minor but its still there, once again only minor but still there, that's absolutely fine, umm what else
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-05
Updated: 2021-03-05
Packaged: 2021-03-18 11:14:54
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,512
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29857242
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LactoseFreeVanillaYoghurt/pseuds/LactoseFreeVanillaYoghurt
Summary: In which Eva wishes she could cry, Kate is soft and Cairo is the mum friend.
Relationships: Kate/Eva Sanchez (We Are The Tigers)
Comments: 2
Kudos: 9





	To Be Okay

**Author's Note:**

> the working title for this was just 'eva angst' so uh here you go  
> otherwise known as how much can I project onto fictional characters in under 3000 words

"Oh my God, Eva, _what is the matter?"_ Cairo gestured for the rest of the team to stop, abruptly falling out of formation to address the other girl. The routine ground to a halt. "That's the fifth time you've fucked up that bit today."

Eva instinctively shrunk away from the eyes of the other cheerleaders, their sudden attention feeling a little like being thrown suddenly into a pool. Cold and uncomfortable. "Nothing! It's a hard step."

Cairo raised an eyebrow before softening. "Hey, I'm not mad about it, it's just," She paused, taking a breath, "Really unlike you."

"It's nothing, I'm fine!" 

".... Alright. Okay, y'all, let's run that main stunt again, please be careful, now is not the time to drop Eva."

The eyes finally, finally turned away and Eva let out a sigh, shaking her head. She'd really hoped that they wouldn't notice her mistakes so obviously, but even the best thought out plans fail occasionally. Allowing the others to fall back into formation, she took a moment to try and focus again. She picked at her skin around her nails, jerking back to attention when someone called her name. 

"-Eva?" She looked up to see Kate watching her with a deep frown. "Are you sure you're okay?"

"Mhm!" They didn't need to know. She could do this. Get through another hour.

"Come on then, V, let's get this over with." Kate beckoned for her to begin the stunt, holding out a hand.

It sunk in then that Eva would have to be high in the air and have to land it and be caught and then go back into the routine and _oh shit._ She couldn't do this today. Her voice wobbled when she spoke up, "Can- can we maybe, uh, not do this... today?"

Cairo spun around immediately and all too soon the eyes were back, her skin crawling under their gaze. "I knew it." Breaking out of the group yet again, the taller girl strode over to where Eva cowered on the outskirts. "Something's happened. Spill the secrets, Sanchez."

Eva shook her head mutely, shrinking in her mind's eye under Cairo towering over her. It hurt more that she looked so concerned. If anything, she'd hoped that they'd be angry, so easily forgetting that concern would play into the mix as well. Her nails still fiddled with the skin on her smallest finger. 

There was a hand on her back and Reese was there, appearing probably out of thin air. Her voice was just as loud as usual and it cut through Eva's thoughts like a knife. _Oh, God, no, not knives, not today._

"Hey, hey, Eva, you with me?" Reese was talking and Eva choked out an affirmative. "Okay, honey, are you gonna tell us what's going on?"

"I'm fine! I- yeah, I- I'm fine."

Cairo sighed, so gently, too gently, placing her hands on her shoulders. The pressure was hardly there but it could have been suffocating for all Eva could tell. "Jesus, sit down, it would look terrible on my record if you passed out."

Eva easily gave in to that pressure on her shoulders and sank to the floor. Reese still knelt behind her, and Eva realised that maybe she was propping her up. Cairo's hands had left her shoulders cold and she sort of wished that pressure could still be felt so she wasn't drifting so distantly. She could see the other three members of the squad watching from further away and felt awful suddenly that she'd been the one to ruin practice today. The team had been going so well in the past months, not only growing closer as a friendship but also beginning to lose their legacy as the worst team ever. Bitterly, she was glad that that friendship was still there despite her fuck up - Annleigh had slipped her hand into Mattie's, providing just a little comfort to the youngest Tiger. Thinking about friendships, however, it stung a little that Eva's own partner hadn't come closer or moved forward to survey the damage. She wondered if she was overreacting and came to the conclusion that perhaps she was. She didn't know really. 

"I literally told you _not_ to pass out, oh my God." Cairo's hand was back, this time pressing down on the back of her head. "Head between your knees. You're okay."

Eva didn't pass out. She hadn't really registered that that was a viable option for her right now. A lot of her wished that she could have just burst into tears. In hindsight, that would have made things a lot easier. But sometimes pain doesn't show itself so blatantly and we are left to deal with the consequences.

Eva listened to the others talking over her head, if only to distract herself for a while.

"Is she okay?"

"I don't know, Mattie, but she will be eventually." Cairo sounded worried and Eva hated everything about it.

Annleigh spoke up, "She's been acting off all day. I thought she was just tired but..."

Eva lifted her head in time to see Cairo nod. Reese rubbed circles into her back. Her thoughts still went sickeningly fast, but they seemed a little less overwhelming than before. The weight on her shoulders was present, though wouldn't be breaking her back right now. She was okay. It would be okay. 

"Hello there." Cairo held carefully onto her elbow as though Eva might crumble without it, betraying her casual tone. "Are you okay now or do I need to call an ambulance?"

"I'm okay."

Annleigh passed her a bottle of water, squeezing her fingers as she did so. 

"Sure." Cairo sounded skeptical, but accepted Eva's words. Maybe she was tired of dealing with her shit. Maybe they were all tired of the trauma. Maybe that's why Kate was still standing too far away. 

Reese nudged her shoulder. "You're drifting again." Eva shook her head, finally realising the dizziness that came with it and thought that maybe Cairo's passing out protests weren't as unnecessary as she'd initially thought. "Honey, what can we do to help?"

She didn't want to ask or seem ungrateful but she even more so didn't want to feel so detached. Her voice was a whisper, hardly noticeable, "... Where's Kate?"

Cairo tutted and Eva smiled a little at her mothering. "Dalton! Get your ass over here!"

At Cairo's shout, it was as though Kate came back to life, surging forwards to crouch in front of where Eva was still curled on the ground. "Move, Cairo, holy shit, Eva, oh my God."

"Katie..."

They cupped Eva's cheek with one hand, taking one of Eva's in her other. "Hi V." They pressed a kiss to her knuckles.

Eva began to laugh. 

"What?! What did I do?" Kate was smiling softly, her eyes concerned.

"High V. Like the arm thing." Her giggles were probably slightly hysterical but right now she didn't care. Mattie was laughing over Kate's shoulder and Eva smiled wider. She raised her arms into a high V, sparking laughter from other members of the team. 

Kate stared at her. "Oh my God." Her arms wrapped tightly around their girlfriend's waist, pulling her close. One hand tangled in her hair. Eva allowed herself to be hugged, lowering her arms to hold her partner. It was awkward and uncomfortable and her back hurt and her head still felt much too full but for now it would be okay. Kate spoke quietly into her ear. "What the fuck, Eva, you worried me so much. God, V, don't do that, Jesus Christ, don't you dare fucking leave me. You're coming home with me tonight 'cause I want you to know that I'm here and I'm not leaving so you better not leave too."

Eva forced her head closer to Kate. "I love you."

Kate pulled away a little and Eva's heart sank just a bit. But then, "I love you so much, it's a little bit crazy."

"Cut it with the soulmate shit!" 

"Yikes, Cairo, change in attitude much?" Mattie looked pointedly at the ground and then Eva was laughing and Cairo was too and Reese was ruffling Mattie's hair and Kate was still gazing at Eva. They turned away when Cairo began to retort but kept an arm close around Eva's waist. The eyes were off her now and she was okay. Her shoulders began to ache from the weight but at least for now she could breathe easily. It was over.

*******

Later, Kate couldn't sleep. Cairo had ended practice early after the scare with Eva and their girlfriend had come home with them. She seemed weirdly okay, quiet and reserved, but okay. Kate had been expecting tears at the very least but no, it had been almost like normal. They'd sat together to do their work and Eva had made dinner, though asked Kate to chop all the vegetables. Kate noticed this and had let her mind wander for a while, noting how Eva avoided anything sharp, all while refusing to deter from her usual gentle attitude. Now, lying awake next to the girl in question, they wondered if they were overthinking it. Perhaps Eva had just been tired and stressed at practice. But Annleigh had said she'd been off all day, and mixing that with the hesitance around knives... 

Kate let their thumb brush over Eva's cheek, surprised when she opened her eyes in return. "Hi, Katie."

They smiled. "I thought you were asleep."

Eva shook her head as best she could with it being pressed against the pillow. "Can't."

That smile turned into a frown, "Why not?"

"Just thinking."

Eva could always sleep. Kate was the one who would lay awake for hours because her thoughts couldn't turn themselves off. This wasn't normal. They gently tugged Eva closer, tucking her head under their chin. "Is everything okay?" 

"Yeah, of course!"

"Eva." Kate felt her hands grasp for theirs. She took them gladly, squeezing them to stop the shaking, pressing a kiss to her forehead. "You can tell me anything, right?"

She sniffled into their chest, nodding silently. 

"V, sweetheart, Cairo's right, something's obviously upset you. And I want you to be okay, okay?"

Eva said nothing for a while, so much so that Kate wondered if her soft tone had sent her to sleep. But then her hands shook harder and, finally, she began to cry. Kate's heart thudded in their chest, filled with worry-fuelled adrenaline. She refused to let it show, instead holding her girlfriend tightly, dotting kisses through her hair, mumbling reassurances under their breath. 

"Katie, I'm so sorry." Eva's voice was weak, filled with water. 

Kate shushed her quietly, "You haven't done anything wrong, sweetheart, you're okay."

Eva cried harder. "But- but, Katie, I did." Her voice closed up and she was forced to whisper her next words, almost indecipherable to Kate. _"It was my fault."_

"Breathe, V, it's alright, you're alright." They pulled her even closer, burying their face in her hair. "I love you."

Eva took a breath and began to speak, her voice shaking but certain. "I had a dream and it was really bad and I can't stop thinking about it because- because _Riley_ was there and," She tensed at the name, spitting it between her lips like it tasted bad. "And she blamed me for all her fucked up shit and she said that it was because of me that she killed people. Kate, she fucking stabbed them!!! She stabbed _you!!!!"_

Kate absentmindedly pushed a finger into her leg, right over where they knew the scar lay. Eva trembled against them, hands clutching the front of her shirt. They did nothing but press yet another kiss to the top of her head, sensing more words to come.

"I can't stop thinking 'cause I know she had a thing about me. She followed me on Instagram and it was like I had a fan! It was so weird, Katie, and it was all because I captained a cheer team. That's fucked. And, and, and-" 

Kate could feel her spiralling just like earlier. She called her name softly, feeling her heave a breath at the sound. "Shhhhh."

"Katie, what if it was because of me? What if because of my cheer influence that she got so obsessive over the Tigers? It's my fault, I should have been more careful and if I hadn't been so good maybe she wouldn't have killed Chess and Farrah and it would all be fine?"

"Oh, V..." It hurt a lot to think about those nights. The wounds were still fresh and they stung when irritated, just like they did now. Kate pushed away her own struggles for now, focusing on the broken girl in their arms. "Is that why you kept going wrong in practice today?"

Eva nodded, "I thought that if I just messed up sometimes, I wouldn't have to be the highest ranked flier in the state... It doesn't make sense really but I thought it would work at the time. But then it was too much and I freaked out and, Katie, I'm so sorry."

"Alright, V, listen to me now." Kate wriggled around and sat up, pulling Eva with them. Soon they were sat back against the headboard of Kate's bed, Eva's legs hooked over her partner's lap, eyes teary and head pressed into space where their shoulder met their collarbone. The clock on the nightstand flashed 1:43. "You are not to blame for what happened at the sleepovers. It was not your fault. You could never have known what was going to happen. Hell, I was on a team with Riley and I never suspected her. You should take absolutely no responsibility - get that shit out your head."

Eva nodded slowly, almost sleepily and Kate continued. "I know that it might seem easier to just mess up and not to be the best anymore, but you see, Eva, you deserve all the credit for your talents. Really, you're stunning when you cheer and I'm not just saying that because I love you. I think that everyone deserves a special thing to be congratulated for because everyone means something. No one should feel like their passions or their talents or their identity is a burden and no one should have to compromise for that."

"You sound like one of those faux inspirational Tumblr posts."

Kate laughed then, probably loud enough to wake their parents. 

Eva kissed the exposed skin of her collarbone, eyes shut tight. Kate was pleased to witness her calm sleepiness, distantly wondering if this was what that same inspirational Tumblr post might go on to call the _'start of healing'._ "I love you so much. Thank you."

"I love you too, V." Kate shuffled to lay back down again. "Don't scare me again like you did earlier."

"I'll try not to." 

"Amazing."

"Wonderful."

Stunning."

"Lovely."

Kate paused. _"...Lit."_

"I hate you."

She snorted, finally closing her eyes, perhaps not sleepy yet but less concerned than before. Eva snuggled closer, yawning. They were damaged, tired, so exhausted, but, yeah, they were okay.

**Author's Note:**

> have I told you that I'm on tumblr before?? come yell at me @lactosefreevanillayoghurt and let me tell you about my seven million headcanons about which nicknames each watt character uses. it's v in depth
> 
> also this is for avvy like most of my things are because I lvoe her and I hope this satisfies her prompt???
> 
> I promise the next thing I write will be cheerier djfsdjf


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